The book of love and more...

It is said that marriage is the hell of love, you will come from full rights and no obligation to no right and full obligations. Im still on the way to experience this whole journey called marriage. So far, so good.
We have had ups and downs, tears and laughters, hold-on-tight and push-away...but at the end of the day, we are still here, together, looking into each other's eyes and dreaming of a happy ending.
Yes, you will uncover tons of your partner's secrets, you will finally see him/her in a totally different light. All the years of dating at the cinema or cafeteria will not prepare you for some shocking moments of truth. He could turn out to be a filthy farmer instead of a knight in shining amour. But look at you, in his eyes, you may also no longer a sleeping beauty or snow white. So, what is it all about? Why should we tie ourselves up in a cage so-called marriage?
Marriage is all about sympathy and acceptance, about patience and sharing. Love is still here, but no longer enough. You will need much more than that to keep your marriage alive and more importantly, growing.
I suddenly feel like a small kid, learning from ABC all over again, of how to become someone's wife and soon enough, someone's mother. We are both trying to fit ourselves into this new role. But how come i do not feel any pressure or burden? It is just so fresh and exciting, but at the same time, so dilemmatic: this is the book i wanna read between the lines in every page, spend time enjoying every word and phrase but somehow I can not wait for the ending to come as soon as possible.
Lets see what the future holds. So tempting, my lovely panda ;))

To love or not to love....?

Its getting colder day by day. Christmas is just around the corner. So is my b-day..
What would be better than a warm hug and cheerful smile at this time of the year? How come all i feel now is the coldness, inside out, both in heart and in mind?
I guess sometimes its so hard to love someone without being hurt...But, isnt love supposed to heal your pain?
Or, what i´m looking at is just the illusion of love? Sometimes, trying hard is not enough...sympathy is what matters...Selfishness, dont just blame it on me.
I couldnt help crying my eyes out today, feeling so lost and disappointed. Turned the TV on at maximum volume, held myself up and cried out loud. No one heard me, no one wanted to.
Just today, i told myself. It will stop tomorrow. The tears or the love or both...?

Blame it on the weather!

Finally winter has arrived...But sadly, not a good timing. Today i felt so down and needed something to cheer me up and bring me back to the normal track. Looking for some sunshine out of the window, all i saw was the cold wind and gloomy sky. Suddenly, I got this love-hate relationship with winter. Aizzz, blame it on the weather or else?
Sometimes, i feel it so hard to be a responsible person. I have never really got this feeling before, to start something from ground zero, to expect tons of unexpected problems, to do something without any hint of the ending. I am indeed not a risk-lover....
In hibernate status....for the time being....

Hello, old buddy!

It has been years since the last time I met my Soton classmates. After graduation, we have gone different paths, literally, i mean. So excited to see them again soon.
Some have got married with kids, some have changed their jobs three or four times, some are still enjoying life as a happy single fellow in their own apartments, some are nowhere to be seen...
Yet, today, my mind is overwhelmed with old time memories. Back to 2007, back to UK, back to Southampton...
I still can picture myself sitting in a U1A bus to Highfield Interchange to catch the morning class, having a brief lunch with sandwich and apples in SuSu and then coming back to my little cozy room in Montefiore.
I still keep pictures of Roger in my old cellphone, that fat lovely black cat, always reminded me of my favourite TV series from childhood "Sabrina, the teenager witch". Where is he now, I wonder? Does he still wrap himself up on the reception desk everyday?
I still feel like that old summer day, cooking with my friends after a "heavy" shopping at ASDA, sharing fresh strawberries and Olken yoghurt...For years, I have been looking for Olken everywhere I go, to bring back that sweet memory...
And those European back-pack trips, I have seen the world with you...
Its all coming back to me now...Miss you all, guys!
Waiting to say "Hello, old buddy!".....

Getting cozy in Neverland

Just back from a long trip, feel kind of confused. I have found my long-lost autumn in another land, although in daytime only. Autumn is now my favourite season to dress up. Cardigans, combat boots, sweaters are finding their ways out of the closet. However, t-shirts, floral dresses and flat shoes are still here and in good use.
I find myself kind of changeable, nothing can last long as my must-have item. I guess because of my old habit (which dies hard): make myself fed up in a short period of time by buying tons of same item. Last winter, my closet was full of cardigans with different colors and lengths. This year, i´m into short leather jackets and over-sized sweaters. So far, 3 leather jackets have found their new home in my overloaded closet :D
Just a month ago, I was still crazy over fit and flared dresses and went out everyday with a classic and girlish look. Now, only jeans, loosed T-shirts and tommy shoes could make me feel cozy. Feel like going back to school all over again. Like Peterpan, never growing up...
My hubby has arrived, safe and sound. Hope he won´t be like fish out of the water here. Or, maybe I´m worrying too much. Maybe, I´m the one who need to fit in, not him...

Early winter

It is supposed to be autumn now. Sunshine, cool wind, leaving a pink shade on your cheeks. Should be a great time for layering and getting cozy in your outfit without turning into a polar bear or dying of heat. Should be a season of exaggerated colors...
Sadly, autumn is nowhere to be seen.
Some heavy storms just passed by, leaving us behind with endless rainy days and gloomy sky. I woke up this morning, feeling like winter is just around the corner. Don´t get me wrong, i am indeed a winter-girl. I love to wrap myself up in bed, enjoy a cup of hot chocolate or milk tea while crying over a good movie. I love to feel my hands warmed up by a lover in a frozen evening. I love to see Jungfrau all over again, with my feet digging deep into the snow and my head closest to the blue sky than ever. After all, I´m a Capricorn.
But, I feel lost somehow. Just like something is stolen from me. Like going against nature. Like you skip appetizer and go straight to the main course (this comparison is kind of odd, though :D). I just don´t feel completed. When can i get my autumn back?

Coming second

For a girl living in a pink world, she always dreams of a fairy-taled wedding with her first love. Yeah, coming first, how great could it be? You own her first kiss, first hug, first hand-holding...Just like buying a new dress, you feel it is completed, don´t you? Nothing to be compared with, no jealousy and doubt over her past, no wonder "did she look at him in that way, too?".....Don´t you feel like she is all yours?
Unluckily, coming first also means nothing to learn from, just like walking with your eyes folded. You have tons of things to expect from such relationship in mind, so bad you don´t really know what will fit you or how to fix it. Somehow it´s similar to online-shopping. Spending hours to explore the on-screen pictures or even to read loads of comments can´t stop you from ending up with wrong sized or wrong colored pieces. As time goes by (and as your purse shrinks...), you will have a much clearer picture of what will look good on you.
Thank you for not being my first love, panda, so that i now know i´m not looking for a prince charming or knight in shining amour (just fantasy, though). I´m looking for a man who feels excited just to imagine how cute of an old grand-mom i would be, who thinks living side by side with me in the next 50 years is not a disaster. Cause you can´t stay as a sleeping beauty all the time, right? (though i´ve never been one :D)
Maybe my heart is taken over by my mind from time to time, not crazily running like before, but i guess, it´s for the better. After all, i´m far from a teenager...