Its getting colder day by day. Christmas is just around the corner. So is my b-day..
What would be better than a warm hug and cheerful smile at this time of the year? How come all i feel now is the coldness, inside out, both in heart and in mind?
I guess sometimes its so hard to love someone without being hurt...But, isnt love supposed to heal your pain?
Or, what i´m looking at is just the illusion of love? Sometimes, trying hard is not enough...sympathy is what matters...Selfishness, dont just blame it on me.
I couldnt help crying my eyes out today, feeling so lost and disappointed. Turned the TV on at maximum volume, held myself up and cried out loud. No one heard me, no one wanted to.
Just today, i told myself. It will stop tomorrow. The tears or the love or both...?
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Blame it on the weather!
Finally winter has arrived...But sadly, not a good timing. Today i felt so down and needed something to cheer me up and bring me back to the normal track. Looking for some sunshine out of the window, all i saw was the cold wind and gloomy sky. Suddenly, I got this love-hate relationship with winter. Aizzz, blame it on the weather or else?
Sometimes, i feel it so hard to be a responsible person. I have never really got this feeling before, to start something from ground zero, to expect tons of unexpected problems, to do something without any hint of the ending. I am indeed not a risk-lover....
In hibernate status....for the time being....
Sometimes, i feel it so hard to be a responsible person. I have never really got this feeling before, to start something from ground zero, to expect tons of unexpected problems, to do something without any hint of the ending. I am indeed not a risk-lover....
In hibernate status....for the time being....
Friday, November 11, 2011
Hello, old buddy!
It has been years since the last time I met my Soton classmates. After graduation, we have gone different paths, literally, i mean. So excited to see them again soon.
Some have got married with kids, some have changed their jobs three or four times, some are still enjoying life as a happy single fellow in their own apartments, some are nowhere to be seen...
Yet, today, my mind is overwhelmed with old time memories. Back to 2007, back to UK, back to Southampton...
I still can picture myself sitting in a U1A bus to Highfield Interchange to catch the morning class, having a brief lunch with sandwich and apples in SuSu and then coming back to my little cozy room in Montefiore.
I still keep pictures of Roger in my old cellphone, that fat lovely black cat, always reminded me of my favourite TV series from childhood "Sabrina, the teenager witch". Where is he now, I wonder? Does he still wrap himself up on the reception desk everyday?
I still feel like that old summer day, cooking with my friends after a "heavy" shopping at ASDA, sharing fresh strawberries and Olken yoghurt...For years, I have been looking for Olken everywhere I go, to bring back that sweet memory...
And those European back-pack trips, I have seen the world with you...
Its all coming back to me now...Miss you all, guys!
Waiting to say "Hello, old buddy!".....
Some have got married with kids, some have changed their jobs three or four times, some are still enjoying life as a happy single fellow in their own apartments, some are nowhere to be seen...
Yet, today, my mind is overwhelmed with old time memories. Back to 2007, back to UK, back to Southampton...
I still can picture myself sitting in a U1A bus to Highfield Interchange to catch the morning class, having a brief lunch with sandwich and apples in SuSu and then coming back to my little cozy room in Montefiore.
I still keep pictures of Roger in my old cellphone, that fat lovely black cat, always reminded me of my favourite TV series from childhood "Sabrina, the teenager witch". Where is he now, I wonder? Does he still wrap himself up on the reception desk everyday?
I still feel like that old summer day, cooking with my friends after a "heavy" shopping at ASDA, sharing fresh strawberries and Olken yoghurt...For years, I have been looking for Olken everywhere I go, to bring back that sweet memory...
And those European back-pack trips, I have seen the world with you...
Its all coming back to me now...Miss you all, guys!
Waiting to say "Hello, old buddy!".....
Friday, October 28, 2011
Getting cozy in Neverland
Just back from a long trip, feel kind of confused. I have found my long-lost autumn in another land, although in daytime only. Autumn is now my favourite season to dress up. Cardigans, combat boots, sweaters are finding their ways out of the closet. However, t-shirts, floral dresses and flat shoes are still here and in good use.
I find myself kind of changeable, nothing can last long as my must-have item. I guess because of my old habit (which dies hard): make myself fed up in a short period of time by buying tons of same item. Last winter, my closet was full of cardigans with different colors and lengths. This year, i´m into short leather jackets and over-sized sweaters. So far, 3 leather jackets have found their new home in my overloaded closet :D
Just a month ago, I was still crazy over fit and flared dresses and went out everyday with a classic and girlish look. Now, only jeans, loosed T-shirts and tommy shoes could make me feel cozy. Feel like going back to school all over again. Like Peterpan, never growing up...
My hubby has arrived, safe and sound. Hope he won´t be like fish out of the water here. Or, maybe I´m worrying too much. Maybe, I´m the one who need to fit in, not him...
I find myself kind of changeable, nothing can last long as my must-have item. I guess because of my old habit (which dies hard): make myself fed up in a short period of time by buying tons of same item. Last winter, my closet was full of cardigans with different colors and lengths. This year, i´m into short leather jackets and over-sized sweaters. So far, 3 leather jackets have found their new home in my overloaded closet :D
Just a month ago, I was still crazy over fit and flared dresses and went out everyday with a classic and girlish look. Now, only jeans, loosed T-shirts and tommy shoes could make me feel cozy. Feel like going back to school all over again. Like Peterpan, never growing up...
My hubby has arrived, safe and sound. Hope he won´t be like fish out of the water here. Or, maybe I´m worrying too much. Maybe, I´m the one who need to fit in, not him...
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Early winter
It is supposed to be autumn now. Sunshine, cool wind, leaving a pink shade on your cheeks. Should be a great time for layering and getting cozy in your outfit without turning into a polar bear or dying of heat. Should be a season of exaggerated colors...
Sadly, autumn is nowhere to be seen.
Some heavy storms just passed by, leaving us behind with endless rainy days and gloomy sky. I woke up this morning, feeling like winter is just around the corner. Don´t get me wrong, i am indeed a winter-girl. I love to wrap myself up in bed, enjoy a cup of hot chocolate or milk tea while crying over a good movie. I love to feel my hands warmed up by a lover in a frozen evening. I love to see Jungfrau all over again, with my feet digging deep into the snow and my head closest to the blue sky than ever. After all, I´m a Capricorn.
But, I feel lost somehow. Just like something is stolen from me. Like going against nature. Like you skip appetizer and go straight to the main course (this comparison is kind of odd, though :D). I just don´t feel completed. When can i get my autumn back?
Sadly, autumn is nowhere to be seen.
Some heavy storms just passed by, leaving us behind with endless rainy days and gloomy sky. I woke up this morning, feeling like winter is just around the corner. Don´t get me wrong, i am indeed a winter-girl. I love to wrap myself up in bed, enjoy a cup of hot chocolate or milk tea while crying over a good movie. I love to feel my hands warmed up by a lover in a frozen evening. I love to see Jungfrau all over again, with my feet digging deep into the snow and my head closest to the blue sky than ever. After all, I´m a Capricorn.
But, I feel lost somehow. Just like something is stolen from me. Like going against nature. Like you skip appetizer and go straight to the main course (this comparison is kind of odd, though :D). I just don´t feel completed. When can i get my autumn back?
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Coming second
For a girl living in a pink world, she always dreams of a fairy-taled wedding with her first love. Yeah, coming first, how great could it be? You own her first kiss, first hug, first hand-holding...Just like buying a new dress, you feel it is completed, don´t you? Nothing to be compared with, no jealousy and doubt over her past, no wonder "did she look at him in that way, too?".....Don´t you feel like she is all yours?
Unluckily, coming first also means nothing to learn from, just like walking with your eyes folded. You have tons of things to expect from such relationship in mind, so bad you don´t really know what will fit you or how to fix it. Somehow it´s similar to online-shopping. Spending hours to explore the on-screen pictures or even to read loads of comments can´t stop you from ending up with wrong sized or wrong colored pieces. As time goes by (and as your purse shrinks...), you will have a much clearer picture of what will look good on you.
Thank you for not being my first love, panda, so that i now know i´m not looking for a prince charming or knight in shining amour (just fantasy, though). I´m looking for a man who feels excited just to imagine how cute of an old grand-mom i would be, who thinks living side by side with me in the next 50 years is not a disaster. Cause you can´t stay as a sleeping beauty all the time, right? (though i´ve never been one :D)
Maybe my heart is taken over by my mind from time to time, not crazily running like before, but i guess, it´s for the better. After all, i´m far from a teenager...
Unluckily, coming first also means nothing to learn from, just like walking with your eyes folded. You have tons of things to expect from such relationship in mind, so bad you don´t really know what will fit you or how to fix it. Somehow it´s similar to online-shopping. Spending hours to explore the on-screen pictures or even to read loads of comments can´t stop you from ending up with wrong sized or wrong colored pieces. As time goes by (and as your purse shrinks...), you will have a much clearer picture of what will look good on you.
Thank you for not being my first love, panda, so that i now know i´m not looking for a prince charming or knight in shining amour (just fantasy, though). I´m looking for a man who feels excited just to imagine how cute of an old grand-mom i would be, who thinks living side by side with me in the next 50 years is not a disaster. Cause you can´t stay as a sleeping beauty all the time, right? (though i´ve never been one :D)
Maybe my heart is taken over by my mind from time to time, not crazily running like before, but i guess, it´s for the better. After all, i´m far from a teenager...
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Between life and death
My little wonderful sister is now standing between life and death. To see how calm she is at this moment makes me feel ashamed of myself even more. There are tons of things you can re-start in life, but you only have one chance to live...
We are praying for her, for everything to be ok
And I myself have learnt a lesson today: no matter how hard your life might be, just feel grateful that at least, you are still alive cause that means you still have a chance to re-start....
Stop complaining, piglet!
We are praying for her, for everything to be ok
And I myself have learnt a lesson today: no matter how hard your life might be, just feel grateful that at least, you are still alive cause that means you still have a chance to re-start....
Stop complaining, piglet!
Friday, August 5, 2011
Frozen yoghurt
Frozen yoghurt, my favourite snack in summer...However, thats not the way i want to live my life. Sadly, now im frozen, literally.
Have you ever felt like me now? Sitting inside your locked room, lights off, only the laptop is on. You feel like your head is really heavy, but not because it is full of thoughts, in contrast, you feel blank. You feel like an animal after a full meal, lots of energy have just been loaded but no mood to do anything. You are resting, but not comfortably. You feel lost....
My problem is right here, within me. Since I have got lots of things falling from the sky, I dont know how to earn those, I dont have motivation to do so.
But there is always lights at the end of the tunnel, my panda, hope he could get me out of this frozen status, cause i have seen in him, the most lively creature....
Have you ever felt like me now? Sitting inside your locked room, lights off, only the laptop is on. You feel like your head is really heavy, but not because it is full of thoughts, in contrast, you feel blank. You feel like an animal after a full meal, lots of energy have just been loaded but no mood to do anything. You are resting, but not comfortably. You feel lost....
My problem is right here, within me. Since I have got lots of things falling from the sky, I dont know how to earn those, I dont have motivation to do so.
But there is always lights at the end of the tunnel, my panda, hope he could get me out of this frozen status, cause i have seen in him, the most lively creature....
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Confession of a shopaholic
Sometimes i need to keep myself busy just to get away from the screen with tons of tempting items. It is kind of addiction, a disease..
I dont really know what is going on in my closet, lots of dresses with similar colors, styles; loads of things i carried home without thinking how to put them into good use, how to mix and match. I saw something online, in a shop, through a window, and thought "ah, thats cute!", then i grabbed it in an instance. Thats definitely not so called "smart consumer". I end up with a full closet (not to mention numerous cartoon boxes here and there) but still find myself struggling every morning to get dressed. More than half of my clothes never get their own real life (be complimented on how good they look on me, stay under the sun or experience the wonderful scent of conditioner liquid). Just like a virgin never been touched! I feel sorry for them and of course, for my own wallet...
When i dropped by some fashion blogs like The Clothes Horse, JennifHsieh, I realized what really makes a fashionista is not a fully packed closet but an efficient one, u could give ppl an illusion of different looks everyday with just some must-have items. On the way to learn how to do that, unfortunately, like other pleasure, it takes time and....talent!
Btw, just saw a breath-taking purple dress on Topshop today, where can i get the pills for this obsession? :))
I dont really know what is going on in my closet, lots of dresses with similar colors, styles; loads of things i carried home without thinking how to put them into good use, how to mix and match. I saw something online, in a shop, through a window, and thought "ah, thats cute!", then i grabbed it in an instance. Thats definitely not so called "smart consumer". I end up with a full closet (not to mention numerous cartoon boxes here and there) but still find myself struggling every morning to get dressed. More than half of my clothes never get their own real life (be complimented on how good they look on me, stay under the sun or experience the wonderful scent of conditioner liquid). Just like a virgin never been touched! I feel sorry for them and of course, for my own wallet...
When i dropped by some fashion blogs like The Clothes Horse, JennifHsieh, I realized what really makes a fashionista is not a fully packed closet but an efficient one, u could give ppl an illusion of different looks everyday with just some must-have items. On the way to learn how to do that, unfortunately, like other pleasure, it takes time and....talent!
Btw, just saw a breath-taking purple dress on Topshop today, where can i get the pills for this obsession? :))
Monday, August 1, 2011
I must marry someone like you
10 things i hate about u:
1. I hate the way u walk, just like a duck (very fat duck, indeed)
2. I hate the way u eat, just like there is nothing else matters in this world (even me)
3. I hate it when u are obsessed with sanity (u know when)
4. I hate that u can not get my hints when it comes to romance
5. I hate that u treat me like a kid without any social skills
6. I hate when u r too sensitive with what i say
7. I hate ur big tummy
8. I hate that u r always in time
9. I hate that u r not patient enough to watch korean dramas with me
8. I hate that it is so hard to find out what i hate about u
But....i still must marry someone like u cause:
1. U wake up at night to cover me with warm blanket
2. U get wet under the rain to keep me dry
3. U r always patient even if i spend the whole evening in the bathroom
4. U never say no when i want to go shopping
5. U never get mad if i call u in the middle of the night for some stupid stories
6. U never break ur promises
7. U treat everyone with warm heart and kindness
8. U r willing to do the chores for me
9. U make me laugh when i want to cry
10. U have the warmest hands ever....
1. I hate the way u walk, just like a duck (very fat duck, indeed)
2. I hate the way u eat, just like there is nothing else matters in this world (even me)
3. I hate it when u are obsessed with sanity (u know when)
4. I hate that u can not get my hints when it comes to romance
5. I hate that u treat me like a kid without any social skills
6. I hate when u r too sensitive with what i say
7. I hate ur big tummy
8. I hate that u r always in time
9. I hate that u r not patient enough to watch korean dramas with me
8. I hate that it is so hard to find out what i hate about u
But....i still must marry someone like u cause:
1. U wake up at night to cover me with warm blanket
2. U get wet under the rain to keep me dry
3. U r always patient even if i spend the whole evening in the bathroom
4. U never say no when i want to go shopping
5. U never get mad if i call u in the middle of the night for some stupid stories
6. U never break ur promises
7. U treat everyone with warm heart and kindness
8. U r willing to do the chores for me
9. U make me laugh when i want to cry
10. U have the warmest hands ever....
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Get some light in my cave
After nearly a year living in a "cave", I looked at myself in the mirror and realized i was not only living like a cave-man but started to look like one. And to make it worse, my wedding is in 2 months time. There is a huge possibility my fiance will become a run-away groom (he´s away now and hasnt seen me for a while, i mean, in daylight without makeup :))
So, today, being inspired by The Clothes Horse´s blog (i spent a whole day to read all her archives in 2 years) and a bunch of other interesting stuffs i have seen on the way, i decide to get some light in my cave. Since im kind of introvert, most of the silly things i post here will be for panda to read and forecast my weather :). Plus, i feel its much more easier to write down my thoughts in English rather than in my mother tongue.
So, let it be a blog in English, a cave where i can hide inside and talk without being judged, and since there is no door included, anyone can feel free to drop by someday...
So, today, being inspired by The Clothes Horse´s blog (i spent a whole day to read all her archives in 2 years) and a bunch of other interesting stuffs i have seen on the way, i decide to get some light in my cave. Since im kind of introvert, most of the silly things i post here will be for panda to read and forecast my weather :). Plus, i feel its much more easier to write down my thoughts in English rather than in my mother tongue.
So, let it be a blog in English, a cave where i can hide inside and talk without being judged, and since there is no door included, anyone can feel free to drop by someday...
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